mediatorinthemaking.com

The following is a selective listing of Boston area mediation, conflict resolution and negotiation trainings and events for April and May 2008.

Find additional training listings at Mediation Works, Inc. (basic training or advanced) and the Harvard Program on Negotiation.

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April 9, 2008 2pm to 4pm
ADR Professions Colliding:
Addressing the Tension Between Mediation and Collaborative Practice
from Massachusetts Council on Family Mediation, Inc.
Presenters: Lynda J. Robbins, Esq., and Karen J. Levitt, Esq.

Location: Arnold Room, Wellesley Free Library, 530 Washington Street, Wellesley, MA

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April 13 - 16, 2008
International Ombudsman Association Annual Conference
3rd Annual Conference of IOA: “Making a Difference-The Ombudsman Impact”
The Boston Park Plaza Hotel, Boston, MA

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April 16, 2008 8:30 - 10am
(Continental Breakfast at 8am)
Dispute Resolution Forum
from Harvard Law School and the Program on Negotiation
Speaker: Rikk Larsen, mediator, trainer, conflict coach, Managing Partner at Howell Larsen Associates, founding partner of Elder Decisions

Location: John Chipman Gray Room, 2nd Floor, Pound Hall

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April 17, 2008 2pm - 5:30pm
Assessing and Addressing Power Imbalances:
Abusive Relationships and the Collaborative Process
from Massachusetts Collaborative Law Council
Presenter: Professor Margaret Drew, University of Cincinnati College of Law

Location: The Walker Center, 171 Grove Street, Newton, MA

Attendance is limited, so register early at Massachusetts Collaborative Law Council
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April 28, 2008 9am - 4pm
Managing Conflict in the Workplace
from Cape Mediation
$150.00($125 by 3/28)

Location: Willy’s World Wellness & Conference Center in North Eastham

“Workplace conflict is inevitable … Learn a proven problem-solving model
and practical skills to help deal with conflict between staff, management, and customers.”

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May 2-9, 2008
CDSC Basic Mediation Training
from Community Dispute Settlement Center

Location: CDSC, 60 Gore Street, East Cambridge, MA
Cost: $695 ($650 if registration recvd. by April 3)

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May 21, 2008 11:30am to 2pm
(Social Time 11:30am to 12pm)
Overcoming Impasse – Tools to Empower Parties to Reach Agreements
from Mediation Works, Inc.
Presenters: Chuck Doran and Josh Hoch

Intended Audience: MWI Court and Divorce Panel Members
“Participating in mediation can be difficult for parties. After time, impasse can seem too difficult to overcome. Join Chuck and Josh for some advanced mediation skill training as they share techniques and discuss strategies for empowering parties to be able to overcome impasse, stay focused, and reach agreement.”

I am beginning to learn to appreciate the art of the option. Timing, framing, body language.

Parties hear everything we say through their own filters. They are constantly considering their position, their options, their goals, their BATMAs, and their mediators: can they trust us, can they feel comfortable with us, are we truly neutral and will we really help them get what is to them a fair deal?

We hear the parties in a joint session. We hear each party in private sessions. Perhaps next we hold an additional private session with party (a), during which we plan to share with them an option put forth by party (b).

And here enters the art. To hear any additional thoughts or ideas party (a) would like to share, without appearing as though we are just waiting to get in there and share the information we’ve got in our pockets. And to put forth party (b)’s option, with the right introduction, the right tone, without appearing to be partial to any option or either party. What an art!

I think I might have missed opportunities to help parties settle by being too eager to share an option put forth by one party. Without laying the proper framework, especially without giving proper attention to highlighting parties’ commonalities, one party might actually go back on the defensive at hearing the mediator put forth the other party’s option. Just the opposite of what we’re looking for when putting forth an option that can help parties begin to move toward middle ground.

I think I’m going to try and imagine putting forth parties’ options to each other much like planting a seed and coaxing it to grow. It takes patience, delicate care, genuine attention to provide what is needed. The process can’t be forced. But if it’s trusted, something great can happen.

It’s a big day for the Mediator In the Making! Yesterday, I had my first glimpse into small claims mediation. I can’t wait to go back.

I’ve got pages and pages of notes I’d love to share with you all. Instead of publishing my first ebook, I’ll let it all simmer and explore one thing at a time. (No need to thank me. I realize you might have lives away from my blog.)

Perceptions. A heavily weighted word, and quite rightly so.

It seems to me that each mediator is constantly performing an amazing balancing act. We have our own perceptions of the process, the parties, our performance, our co-mediators. Within each of those, we’re building perceptions of appearances, body language, eye contact, tone of voice, and of course the words we’re hearing. We’re gauging - and maybe hearing - our parties’ perceptions of us, the process, and our co-mediator. And we’re hearing and gauging that of our co-mediator.

Just steps away from perceptions, we will find assumptions. Sometimes baby steps. So then we balance ourselves on the cusp of allowing our perceptions to give way to assumptions, which then would have us leading rather than facilitating or following the parties.

My, my, my! We would all make great circus acts, wouldn’t we? Balancing atop that tight rope, music playing, crowd gasping, and any number of additional distractions.

It was exciting to get to practice the process of recognizing and utilizing my perceptions, acknowledging and setting aside any assumptions which I might give way to in weak moments when I allow myself to not be fully present. To acknowledge and brush off, rather than suppress, any assumptions which could then give way to judgments, and allow myself to proceed with a clear mind and neutral perspective.

There’s another amazing characteristic of perceptions in the mediation room. Others’ perceptions might surprise me, or even directly conflict with my own. Yet there they are. And so I must acknowledge and respond to them. Management and customer service conventional wisdom tell us something similar, and useful here. It doesn’t matter if the customer’s perception seems to be reality from where we sit, or fits with what we mean to have them think. Because it is there, we must acknowledge and respond to it. Allow them to know that they have been heard (notice I do not say “feel heard”). In the mediation room, I guess this could be described as incorporating perceptions into the process.

Of course these are all my very early perceptions of this process. They are my foundational building blocks and I can’t wait to get back in there to continue my learning!