Shifting ourselves.
When we struggle — with ourselves or with others — we tend to name what’s wrong.
Some of us use “you” language. “You aren’t listening to me.” “You’re ignoring me.” “You aren’t helping me.”
Some of us use “I” language. “I feel like I’m not being heard.” “I am being ignored.” “I feel unsupported.”
Either way, we’re naming what’s wrong. What happens once the wrong is righted? Are we then so used to our mantra of what’s wrong that shifting our mental maps to accept and acknowledge what’s right seems foreign, uncomfortable, difficult, even impossible?
I think what often happens is that we can’t move ourselves into this new phase, accept that what’s wrong no longer is, and move on. We’re stuck.
So. What if we named what we wanted, rather than what we didn’t? (No, this is not a rip off of “the secret” which I’m not completely sold on anyway.) If I choose to say, “We’re working on listening to each other well” instead of “He never listens to me,” I’m using the power of language to place me on a path to where I want to be rather than stick me right where I don’t want to be.
I think this could help me relate to people based more on their potential than on their shortcomings. And so help me spend more time and energy on being productive and constructive than stuck in conflict.
Try it! I will.
When people come across as confident, some can assume that there is a secret to that confidence. So, here’s mine. I’m not always all that confident.
