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And now back to our regularly scheduled programming … my first series, “On Listening.”

I am consistently and profoundly moved by the power of listening.

I used to sense a wave of anxiety come over me when encountering an angry person. Whether or not they were angry with me. Until my most recent chance to get it right.

I listened without communicating judgment. I asked open ended questions truly meant to learn more and convey curiosity, rather than to lead. I did my best to follow my conversation partner wherever he went.

I recall clearly the moment I realized that this angry person, who had inspired such knots of stress, was no longer angry. Anger had receded and in its place was what I might even describe as a sense of comfort. I had guided this person in transforming conflict into an opportunity for something positive to happen.

We spoke for quite a while, and I learned quite a lot that I would not have had I been focused solely on solving the problem as I had identified it. I allowed myself to approach this person’s conflict from a place of patience, respect, and comfortability with my abilities. And I allowed myself to accept not knowing everything, sort of allowing a large space within myself which could be filled with this person’s story — where previously I might have stored up my own assumptions.

I think we humans, perhaps we in the U.S., have severely undervalued the art of listening and the rare experience of being heard. Is it our U.S. culture? Is it human nature? Does it begin within the family?

Whatever it is, the moment when we become conscious of our power to listen is profound.

Posted January 11th, 2008 under Learning experience. Tags: communication, Conflict management, listening, mediation, relationships, transformation
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