What the NFL playoffs taught me about conflict
Well, it’s over. The Colts lost to the Chargers. The Cowboys lost to the Giants. And I - along with most fans - was certain both games would turn out exactly the opposite.
Because I was sure the outcomes of these games had been written in the stars, and apparently I had a special line to those stars, I barely watched these two great games. I glanced up every now and then to see who had just inched past the other.
I didn’t really pay attention until the last five minutes of each game (that’s playclock minutes for you non-footballers out there. sorry, no time to explain.) And what exciting minutes! Two close games, two teams I assumed would win just, well, sort of folding in on themselves.
Where am I going with this? Really, there is a connection. I entered into the situation assuming I already knew the outcome. So I missed out.
If I enter into a conversation, a mediation, etc., assuming I know what will happen — or at least what I think I need to know — I miss out. I will either inadvertently control and lead the conversation. Or I will never get to learn what I could from this unique and knowledgeable person (everyone is themselves and so unique, and everyone is knowledgeable about something I’m not, yes?). Or I will not reach the resolution I could because I’m so busy driving towards my predetermined destination.
And that’s what I learned from the NFL playoffs this weekend.
Oh - also that the Pats are seriously the best team that has ever played the game, to date.
January 15th, 2008 at 6:08 pm
Great insight, Rachel, about practice. I wonder what insights this realization, or the game, have for us about marketing our practices.
It seems that like you, the profession, has an expectation about who will value mediation and when it’s a viable option for resolution. If we let go of our preconceived notions about what a mediator does and who she serves we might find a much broader market to serve.
In Februray and March I’m hosting teleseminars with practitioners who challgened the status quo: Diana Mercer and Cinnie Nobles. Each found her own way to deploying her skills in a unique way to meet market needs.
Check out the calendar on my site if you’d like to join in. And, hey, thanks a bunch for the link love!
Try. Fail. Learn. Grow!
Dina Beach Lynch
January 16th, 2008 at 1:11 am
Dina, great points! Thank you for sharing a whole new perspective. I’ll look forward to continuing to ponder the idea of our expectations of who we can serve as mediators, and how we might broaden our thinking beyond those expectations.
And I’ve definitely got those teleseminars on my calendar. I notice that I can purchase recordings of teleseminars I’ve missed, which is so helpful since I can’t always carve the time out of my work day to participate in the calls.