mediatorinthemaking.com

I’ve been away from the blogosphere for a while. It’s great to be back! My days have been filled with lots of home projects, and at least a little bit of lounging by the neighbor’s pool … and a whole lot of work digesting all the I’ve learned through fall and spring trainings, and singular small claims experiences. Which brings me to today’s musings.

Many never get to experience the amazing wonder that is small claims.

As a mediator, I remind myself that I am seeing people at anything but their best. I silently assert that for the most part, these might be very sensible, caring, aware people. And that intractable disputes can have drastic effects on anyone.

“I’m going to have fun with this.”
I’ve been doing some reading about the story-telling phenomena. It seems that from our first step on the ladder of inference, we begin telling ourselves a story of what’s happening. Especially in stressful situations, we can become wholly focused on our story and lose our mindfulness of the moment. We perceive the other as what our narrative has drawn, and cease to objectively observe them or the events. By the time these people get to court, they have wrapped themselves tightly in a story which ends with their vindication. They are here for judgment day. And they are especially disappointed when their judgment day is takes a side route into the mediation room.

“I’m just here for the principle.”
Also wrapped tightly in their own story, the person here for the principle is expecting vindication. A judge will wrap a gavel, point down from on high with a bony finger at the evil doer who has wrought such terror within an innocent life, saying, “You have been very bad. Give this innocent angel here a hug. And five dollars.”

“Is this going to be like Judge Judy?”
This person is well versed in the caricatures of Judge Judy or perhaps the People’s Court, their plaintiffs and defendants. They’ve seen poorly behaved or ill prepared plaintiffs and defendants ripped to shreds by sassy judges. They’ve learned from seemingly effective character assassinations, usually goaded on by said sassy judges.

They might tell the mediator they only agreed to mediation in order to impress the judge. They might enter the mediation room with many documents to show that they will come across as the one who’s got it together. They will likely insert interesting and totally unrelated tidbits about the other parties’ former mates, friends, sleeping habits, and anything else that could possibly spark controversy.

It’s not surprising and not the parties’ fault. In addition to how prolonged conflict can impact even the most mindful person, the whole small claims process seems so disempowering from the beginning. The parties appear bewildered when they enter the courtroom which bears no signage and boasts no person to greet or instruct them, or even confirm they’re in the right room. They wait quietly for what must seem an interminable time until the clerk enters to call the list. A far cry from the sassy powerful t.v. mavens with their impressive robes.

And then rather than judgment day, they get me and my co-mediator in a closet with chairs! Look for a future post on the challenges of ‘selling’ the promise of mediation to such crestfallen – or hostile – small claims parties.

Posted July 6th, 2008 under Learning experience, small claims court. Tags: , conflict resolution, mediation, mediator, small claims court
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