The art of planting the option
I am beginning to learn to appreciate the art of the option. Timing, framing, body language.
Parties hear everything we say through their own filters. They are constantly considering their position, their options, their goals, their BATMAs, and their mediators: can they trust us, can they feel comfortable with us, are we truly neutral and will we really help them get what is to them a fair deal?
We hear the parties in a joint session. We hear each party in private sessions. Perhaps next we hold an additional private session with party (a), during which we plan to share with them an option put forth by party (b).
And here enters the art. To hear any additional thoughts or ideas party (a) would like to share, without appearing as though we are just waiting to get in there and share the information we’ve got in our pockets. And to put forth party (b)’s option, with the right introduction, the right tone, without appearing to be partial to any option or either party. What an art!
I think I might have missed opportunities to help parties settle by being too eager to share an option put forth by one party. Without laying the proper framework, especially without giving proper attention to highlighting parties’ commonalities, one party might actually go back on the defensive at hearing the mediator put forth the other party’s option. Just the opposite of what we’re looking for when putting forth an option that can help parties begin to move toward middle ground.
I think I’m going to try and imagine putting forth parties’ options to each other much like planting a seed and coaxing it to grow. It takes patience, delicate care, genuine attention to provide what is needed. The process can’t be forced. But if it’s trusted, something great can happen.
