Reflect, Reframe … Refrain?
I’ll get back to my Mediation Musings On Listening soon. For now, I’d like to discuss something that’s fresh in my mind. Perhaps my hordes (alright, maybe trios) of readers will have some insights to share.
I had a funny conflict diffusion experience today. The scene: a meeting (yes, shocking, since I work in an office). The players: well, office people … including your mediator-in-the-making and one colleague I know to be an experienced and skilled mediator, and one office person becoming possibly frustrated.
Mediation ensues, in the hopes of transforming potential conflict into constructive conversation before conflict even occurs. Yay, mediators!
How do our super heroes do this? Why, listening, of course. But where would listening be without reflecting and reframing? A big thank you to Moshe Cohen and his listening triangle for giving me a mental picture for the wonderful game of questioning, listening, and reflecting back.
As soon as I heard my colleague employing this skill, I listened carefully. And I watched an interesting thing take place. It was a sort of endless feedback loop. A reframe refrain (a link for the non-musically inclined).
I jumped in. Each time I reflected and reframed, the person I was reflecting … reflected back to me. Not to correct me, but to agree that I had accurately echoed their sentiments.
We went round a few times, as had my colleague, until I feared we could do this endlessly and so summarized that we all seemed to be in agreement and were short on time so really should move on unless there were any objections.
So my questions to the mediation blogosphere are these. Have you ever found yourself inside a reflect, reframe refrain? How do we land there? How do we gracefully exit?
