Is conflict too exciting to avoid?
This morning, on the treadmill, my wandering eyes found a very exciting flat panel TV showing in very exciting HD a very exciting courtroom drama. You know the kind, with two people airing their private lives before a judgmental judge (yes, I’m aware of the unfortunate but rather fitting language).
A few minutes later, I look up again to find a divorce courtroom drama and I recall an article I read recently saying something like that working with a mediator can cost 1/4 what it would to go to court. Don’t quote me on that as I’m very possibly misquoting. But it is easy to find literature touting the merits of mediation vs. court for a range of disputes, especially divorce.
As I wondered why anyone would choose to air their private lives before a snappy judge and the daytime TV watching world, I had an idea. Maybe conflict is just too exciting for us to avoid.
Can you imagine what would happen if Divorce Court was replaced with The Mediation Room? Would anyone watch two spouses learning to manage conflict and speak to each other constructively thanks to the leadership and facilitation of a mediator?
I recall being amazed to watch a party at (real live) small claims court mimic so deftly the stereotypical People’s Court plaintiff, complete with totally unrelated personal insults, I could’ve believed it was scripted.
Yes, I realize we could easily debate the actual reality of “reality” court TV shows. But I think it is more important that enough people watch these shows to have kept them on the air for possibly decades. Or keep about seven hours of such shows a day on network TV now. (Yes, seven hours at last check of Comcast listings.)
So how do we minimize the allure of the down and dirty conflict? How do we make constructive communication more exciting than petty insults and flailing unkindnesses?
Perhaps it’s the people who like to watch. The people who don’t come to mediation. Perhaps these people are our true clients.
