mediatorinthemaking.com

My old gym has been trying to bring me back. Almost weekly, they email me invitations to take advantage of their ‘fabulous’ offers exclusive to former members.

I get that they’re a business. They want success. As many members as possible, paying as much as possible.

They seem to think I will rejoin simply because they email me an invitation to do so. I see no consideration of the possibility that I have interests here too. They’ve not once asked me why I am no longer a member. So they have no idea how to bring me back - only that it is in their interest to have my dues.

Perhaps had they thoroughly reality tested their chosen options for meeting their obvious interest, they would have learned quite a lot. Here’s a quick sampling of how they compare to my new gym.

1. They offer more classes.
   But those classes are always overcrowded and often the only way to have a spot is to spend 30 minutes waiting in line.
2. They have very similar machines.
   But there is less variety and always a wait. We have to sign machines out and are kicked off by the next customer as soon as our time is up.
3. They offer towels. If you pay extra.
4. They charge twice as much for membership.

What lessons have I learned here that we can apply to mediation and principled negotiation?

• It’s not enough to identify your own interests, and options to meet them.
• To reach an agreement that satisfies you, you might have to consider the other party’s interests as well.
• If you don’t do so, agreement can still be reached. But it might not be your ideal. In this case, I went somewhere new once my membership was up at that old gym.

Financial stress is one of the leading causes of conflict in relationships. And our conflicts at home do not stay just at home. They can drive us into new conflicts at work, which we bring home, and so on.

Especially in this troubled economy, good negotiation skills can help us manage stress before it spills out of our wallets and sparks conflict in the most important facets of our lives.

As I sit in the small claims courtroom and here the list of credit cases called, I can’t help but think that there has got to be a better way.

Moshe Cohen has written sound advice at WorkLifeBridge about Using negotiation skills to avoid foreclosure and other calamities.

… regard the situation as a collaborative negotiation whose goal is to solve the problem to best meet everyone’s interests and view the other party as your partner in making this happen.

Be clear about what you can and can’t do, and be conservative in any new commitments you make so you don’t have to have this same conversation with them over and over again. Try to use objective data to persuade the other party that your limits are real, and at the same time, be open to their concerns regarding your commitments. Pay close attention to what they have to say and make sure you understand them. Listen for clues as to what they need in order to keep working with you on renegotiating a deal that works for both of you.

(emphasis added)

Moshe also reminds us to realize that our financial institutions have a vested interest in our success, as they depend on us as much as we on them. This is akin to, though not quite equal to, heavy interdependence. In labor negotiations, this term means “they simply must find some way of getting along with one another.”* While I don’t think the credit companies have reached the point of seeing or accepting heavy interdependence with us regular individuals yet, I believe it might be close. This considering the new package agreed to by the major mortgage companies.

As reported by CreditBloggers and nearly experienced by yours truly, Bank of America is again looking to increase many customers’ rates — seemingly regardless of account status. With that news, it seems that far more of us than expect to might find ourselves in need of these skills.

Oh. And at least until all this blows over, try sticking with cash.

*quote is from Mediation–Its Forms and Functions, Lon L. Fuller, 44 Southern California Law Review 305, 1970-71